Reflect on the way you’ve seen others deal
with grief.
The LORD is good to those who depend on him,
to those who search for him. So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from
the LORD. And it is good for people to submit at an early age to the yoke of
his discipline: Let them sit alone in silence beneath the LORD's demands. Let
them lie face down in the dust, for there may be hope at last. Let them turn
the other cheek to those who strike them and accept the insults of their
enemies. For no one is abandoned by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief,
he also shows compassion because of the greatness of his unfailing love. Lamentations
3:25-32
Grief is part of life. We can’t escape it. What
do you do to express grief? How do others that you know deal with grief? Does
it make any difference if you see how others handle their grief? Can you make a
plan for days ahead that you know you will have to deal with grief?
The response or expression to grief
depends on the person and the situation. Of course, those in grief mourning the
death of a loved one often cry—and that may continue to occur for years. A
friend of ours who lost her husband a year ago said that she was given
permission from another dear friend to cry in public for only one year. She
laughed about that…and then she quietly shed a little tear.
The level of crying, wailing, sobbing can
be associated with a cultural response. Years ago a friend who was from Puerto
Rico, wailed loudly—very loudly—when her father died. I was shocked and unable
to comfort her, but that was OK when I realized that it was the way Puerto
Ricans deal with loss. But there was extra grief for her since she wasn’t with
him when he died.
Another response is withdrawing from
family and friends—as I’ve noted when attending funerals. Sometimes teenagers
will even run away from home—hoping to escape their loss. I think the response
of withdrawing is associated with the relationship that a person has with the
person who died. Consider the response of Jesus’ disciples when Jesus was
arrested in the Garden of Gethsemane—they ran, and he hadn’t even died yet.
They were experiencing loss as well as fear of also being arrested. We can
experience a similar fear that our lives will be shortened…that we have less
time left on earth. Some people are just afraid to die.
One friend of mine made scrap books with
photos and mementos about her husband. She said that helped her deal the most
with her loss. Talking about it even several years later made her face just
glow. Projects like that can give a person a new focus and help them bridge
into a new normal. I found during grief I had little excess energy to be
creative—but in a few months doing something to honor my loved one did provide
healing therapy. Planting and caring for flowers specifically in memory of each
of my lost loved ones has been cathartic.
My cousin’s wife took a trip across
country after her husband died. She had time to mourn her loss for three or
four years before he died since he had Alzheimer’s and wasn’t really there
anymore. She expressed that she dealt with mourning prematurely—because he
hadn’t really died yet—but their relationship had, although she was still
devoted to him.
Another friend whose mother died after
the doctors telling her for two years, “it could be any day now…” felt relief
when her mother passed on. She was still experience loss—but she had been
stressed by the anticipation of death for two years. That was a very stressful
time. She took a few months break afterwards—going to live in the south for the
winter. She came back refreshed—ready to tackle the ongoing project of dealing
with her mother’s earthly belongings.
Loss of a loved one can create such an
emotional grief that one special aunt had two nervous breakdowns and had to be
hospitalized after the loss of her husband and then again about six years later
after the death of her daughter. Both deaths were unexpected and thus
traumatic.
Though he
brings grief, he also shows compassion because of the greatness of his
unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32
For many people it is easier to deal with
their loss if they are Christian and know that their loved one is also
Christian. They have the assurance that their loved one is going to heaven and
that they will see them there one day. A couple of years after my sister and her
family were tragically killed someone asked me why I was sad…on the anniversary
of their death, since I knew they were in heaven and I would see them again
someday. I expressed that I just missed them, that I felt cheated out of
special times and celebrations with them, and that even though I will see them
in heaven one day our relationship will be different since we will have a
different life in heaven—focusing on the Lord, not on ourselves. My sadness was
purely selfish.
Don't tear
your clothing in your grief, but tear your hearts instead." Return to the
LORD your God, for he is merciful and compassionate, slow to get angry and
filled with unfailing love. He is eager to relent and not punish. Joel 2:13
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| Keep Moving...on water or land. |
Can you plan ahead for grief that you
will ultimately have to experience? Silly question? Our experiences just become
part of us and as we go through life, things happen—loss, death, grief and
bereavement. We constantly learn from others and from our own events. Having a
plan, an idea, a goal will help us to deal with loss. There have been many to
suggest having a schedule to help with the adjustment to the “Stay Home – Stay
Safe” isolation. This helps to deal with the loss of our freedom. A “schedule”
anytime provides a daily goal for activities and as those goals are reached
allows one to get some satisfaction out of life. But what happens when those
goals are not reached? More disappointments and frustrations ensue? Find joy.
Choose joy. There are constantly choices
in life. We choose how we respond to things that happen to us. We choose. Maybe
you need to do a little research on your own to discover more about grief.
There are numerous websites that provide information on grief. A couple of
trusted ones I found are:
Make choices that bring joy not conflict
into your situation. Allow God to bring you through your grief showing compassion because of the greatness of his
unfailing love.
Prayer
~ Lord God, What joy for those you choose to bring near, those who live in your
holy courts. What festivities await us inside your holy Temple. - Psalm 65:4. Now
all glory to God, who is able to keep me from falling away and will bring me with great
joy into his glorious presence without a single fault. From Jude 1:24.
Verse
of Salvation ~ But may all who search for you be filled with joy and gladness
in you. May those who love your salvation repeatedly shout, "The LORD is
great!" - Psalm 40:16
Seek…search for…the Lord while there is
time. Accept His salvation from your sin…for all have sinned and fallen short
of the glory of God.
©
2020 Text and photo by Mickey M. Hunacek. All rights reserved.
Unless
otherwise indicated, all scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation,
copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of
Tyndale House
Publishers, Inc. Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations taken from the
NASB. Copyright by The Lockman Foundation. All rights reserved.
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