How do you want others to treat you when you are angry with them? I have
mentioned “anger” 84 times in the 823 posts of this blog. Once again I’m
considering the “anger” topic since I’ve been doing some reading about anger
for an upcoming class for a Parents of Teens Study Group at my church. Dr. Ross
Campbell wrote a book, How to Really Love Your Teen that has a terrific
chapter on Teenage Anger. He discusses passive aggressive anger that is a
subconscious motivation used to get back at an another person (in this case the
parent) indirectly to release pent up anger. Young children may do this by
soiling their underwear—long after they’ve been potty trained. Teens may do
poorly in school work or with housework; misbehave sexually; do drugs; get
headaches, ulcers, or skin problems; abuse others or themselves, or commit
suicide. All these can be indirectly expressing their anger. Looking at adults
who have not learned to manage their anger, you may see the same types of
behavior. Managing the anger is the key. Anger is a normal human response. It
is how we manage that anger that makes a difference in our relationships. Anger
doesn’t just go away—and inappropriate humor does not release the anger, even
though it may appear to release the immediate tension. Steps to dealing with anger
appropriately are steps towards healthy maturity. Anger ideally would be dealt
with pleasantly with those involved seeking resolutions together towards ending
the problem that created the anger. Anger management isn’t taught or learned
overnight. It takes years to master. The first step is to communicate during a
calm time the expectations that anger cannot be expressed in a violent, physical
manner or using inappropriate behavior. Limits must be set and the parent must
be firm and consistent. Verbal expressions of anger need to be encouraged and
trained. This can begin using praise or compliments when the teen verbally
expresses their anger in ways that were acceptable (including no cursing). The
next step is to ask your teen to verbalize their anger in acceptable ways—like how
they should address you with no name calling. A respectful attitude is desirable—but
disrespectful attitude can easily be misinterpreted during an angry discussion.
Try to discern their attitude—while keeping your own attitude positive and
setting a good example. Not so easy if you have anger issues yourself. How will
you treat others who are angry with you?
RSVP: Jesus is encouraging us to deal respectfully and responsibly with
anger. He wants us to treat others the way we ourselves want to be treated.
Additionally, don’t stuff anger away only to have it blow up in your faces
later when you least likely can deal with it. He wants you to come to Him and
share your burden with Him…and not let the sun go down on your anger. Can you
do that?
Prayer~ Jesus, as You taught us through the Apostle Paul in Ephesians…BE
ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger… Ephesians
4:26. Help us to live as You have taught us.
©
2014 by Mickey M. Hunacek. All rights reserved.
All
scripture quoted from the New American Standard Bible (NASB) unless otherwise
noted.
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